1. |
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(this song is about my fear of getting into a car accident and all the people who i love, but i have some standing grudge with or who i might have unfortunately burned bridges with, not bothering to show up at the hospital. and also vice versa, my fear that my grudges run so deep that it would make me hesitate to break some stupid self-imposed solitude even in the event of a friend's loved one or family member's death or some equally traumatic emergency. i often ponder that in the event of my death or near death, who would show up, after all the shit i've done and said. i often resign myself to the idea that it would be myself alone with some get well balloons offered up by the pity of the hospital staff)
well, i've been in the hospital for weeks
and you still haven't come to visit me
i just guess you're still hung up on some grudge
though you technically didn't
you might as well have pulled the plug on me
well, i've been home for half a week
i bit off more than i can chew and broke my teeth
i guess i'm beholden to some grudge
though you technically didn't say it
i know that you're in love with me
and i'm not the same
i rewired my brain
i'll stay in my own lane
i'll stay in my own lane
and what's a couple of weeks
i don't want to look weak
i'll stay in my own lane
i'll stay in my own lane
and pretend it's okay
and pretend it's okay
we'll never be the same
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2. |
10/10
03:05
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i fell asleep with the t.v. on
there's nothing between the things i want
except the obstacles inside my head
that heavy weight won't let me out of bed
i thought of moving out
find another job
save up a little money
get my shit together
i could never get my shit together
ten out of ten friends say that you can do better than me
and i kind of agree
you can do better than me
10/10 doctors agree
and i kind of agree
when i look in the mirror, i think
even i can do better than me
and i moved away and you kept the dog
a one way ticket to Texas
where i lost
my belief that there was any good left in me
and i'm bouncing state to state
with the devil and god
they're barking up a storm
i just turned them off
i don't need your love
i don't need anybody
and i moved away and you kept the dog
yeah, i moved away and you kept my dog
i don't need your love
i don't need anybody
and i'm bouncing state to state
with the devil and god
they're barking up a storm
i just turned them off
i don't need your love
i don't need anybody
i thought of moving out
find another job
save up a little money
get my shit together
i could never get my shit together
10/10 friends say that i can do better than you
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3. |
Second Prize
03:00
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(this song is about going through the 5 stages of grief, after divorce. struggling with the idea of someone being happier or more well off than you. finding anger in those thoughts, no matter how unfair that is. bargaining with the idea of reconciliation though you know it's a fucking cop out to go back and would be a lie. and accepting that you cannot live such a complacent life and return just because life is hard and even harder alone. i have always perceived divorce as experiencing death and still having to go on living like a ghost; some sort of widow of yourself. you live in a body that feels dead. it all feels so close and so far. like you're living out someone else's life in the aftermath, but you're so outdated and obsolete. as though i am an old man surrounded by flying cars. i just can't relate to the world post-divorce the way i once did. but you adapt. time goes by and the feeling of coping suddenly and unexpectedly shifts, beneath you, into hope. and you can breathe again. and maybe, one breath at a time, one step at a time, you can slowly learn to love again. and you realize you weren't really a little old man, but rather a newborn and all that pain was just your baby teeth coming in. just because you are someone's second prize doesn't mean you aren't someone else's first. go for gold. Love, Jack )
you moved on
i moved out
how'd you cope
with me not being around
and we changed
each other's names
on our phones
i was blue and you were grey
and i can't go on without you
i just drag my feet
i don't want to
you were slow
slow to love me
i was always felt
always felt like second prize
and the future
it looks gigantic
from where i'm standing
you know i was always scared of heights
and i can't go on without you
i just drag my feet
i don't want to
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